Given The Chance
by Kouu Sabishii
Summary: A missed chance can change destiny. But for Kaoru, it broke her heart and her will to live. Now she's trying to learn to survive life, without Kenshin by her side.
1. The Deed Done

A/N: Bet you a cookie nobody will read this. I've been obsessing over RK for awhile now, and to me it's surprising that this wasn't my first fic for this pen name. I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: This disclaimer should pertain to the whole fic, so I shall say it once. **_I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, or anything relating to it._**

- - - - -

If she could, she'd run. Run far away, far from the tragic scene in front of her. _What I'll do won't be running away…_ _But… _her thoughts became malicious thoughts, filled with hate, directed only at herself, and not at the people who shared their love so outwardly.

I could... I could have had a chance... If I weren't so stupid... If I had told him! She screamed, her mental voice carrying out to all corners of her mind. She had her chance at happiness, and she knew without a doubt that it could never be achieved. _Stupid Tanuki-chan... that's all that I am, isn't it? Letting the Kitsune get what she deserves..._

Though it was a twisted turn of events, for everyone was sure it'd be Kaoru he were to marry, no one was protesting. All around were cheers, suggestions of celebration. So full of the joy in the room, Kaoru had to leave, and she did, unnoticed.

Packing her things she knew she'd have to leave the house and dojo. _Not forever, _she told herself, _only until I can find myself. Only when I know I can survive without him._ She thought about asking Sanosuke to accompany her, but it may lead to things she dare not think. She would never love another, that she was certain, because as the saying goes, "First loves never die." Though... It may have been best she asked he come along, for after all, he did love Megumi. But no, she'd cope with this alone, as will Sano.

Two kimonos, all her training gear, and her trusty bokken was all Kaoru needed. She would be heading to Kyoto, knowing she'd be welcome there. Having confided with Misao during her last trip there, she was told she would always be given a spot there, should something like this happen. Kaoru was glad, for if she couldn't go there... she'd do what her rurouni- _Not mine, _she scolded herself, she'd do what Kenshin did, and wander for awhile. Maybe she, herself, would find somewhere like he did.

Going into her safe box hidden under a floorboard, she took out all her savings. She smiled sadly, hoping the boys would get along without her. _They don't need me_ she reminded herself, _they've got Megumi don't they? She can cook too... She can make money... What am I but a pitiful excuse for a female?_

Shaking her head to get rid of those thoughts, she looked around her room. _Is there anything left?_ Staring at what has always been her's, she couldn't help but shed a few tears, knowing it would be awhile before she could come back.

A letter... She pulled out a piece of parchment, and her ink well. Dipping the fine brush into it, she began to write.

Yahiko,

As the person I trust most, I will write to you. Sadly, I am leaving. By the time you find this, I shall be gone, but of course you'd have noticed that. Why? You know why. I've told you many secrets, because you in essence are my little brother. You knew how much I cared for him, heck, everyone did! As a coward, I will not face the wedding, as I should. The announcement of the engagement alone sent me over the edge. I will not tell you where I am headed, which is foolish because should you use your resources, you will find me very quick. I don't want you to. But... should you know where I am... please... I beg of you... Do not let the other's know. I will make another letter, one which you are to present to them once you finish reading this one.

I will keep in contact with you, and you alone. For it is dangerous to talk to Tae or even Gensai-sensei, information could leak. A pigeon will be sent, for every seven days, until my return. I wish you the best of luck in training.

All my love,

Kaoru

She re-read it, making sure there were no mistakes, and nothing else she needed to add. Then, on a separate piece of parchment she wrote the other letter.

Once satisfied, she left both on her clean futon, ready to leave. Listening for any sounds outside, much of them loud seeing as the celebrating was still on, she crept out her window. Shutting it softly behind her, she walked onwards to the train station. From there she would send a telegram to Misao, which should reach her halfway through the trip.

I know what I'm doing. Kaoru told herself.

---

The next morning, all was chaos inside the Kamiya household. Sake bottles and bits of food were strewn everywhere, in every nook and cranny. Kenshin, passed out on the table, Megumi next to him on the floor. Sano, snoring loudly, was collapsed over Yahiko, who at the moment was finding it difficult to breathe.

Damn adults! You'd think one of them would have the sense to stay sober! But no! It's ME who does it, only because I'm under aged! His thoughts raged until he realized, _Hey, where's busu?_

Pushing Zanza off of him, which proved to be a difficult task, Yahiko crept to Kaoru's room, knocking on the shoji carefully. "Oi, Busu? You awake? You should be! You didn't drink a thing! Come to think of it, you didn't come out at all!" He waited for a response, but when it was apparent he wasn't going to get one, he knocked louder. "Wake up! You ugly hag, you don't need beauty sleep! It's already too late for that!" He waited, and once again, nothing. _Grr.. You better not get mad at me for walking in on you! _He swore and slid the shoji open. "Oi Bu-!" His cry for her to wake up became a cry of desperation as he saw the room clean, and tidy. But also empty. "B... Busu? Are you there?" Looking around, he noticed two letters left on the futon.

Opening the first, his eyes began to fill with tears, which he fought not to let through. _She left... She left! But why?! Doesn't she know I need her here!? _Using his sleeve, he wiped the tears that were to get through. Stuffing the first letter inside his gi, he picked up the second one, and read through it, which was more formal than the one addressed to him.

Reading through it, he began frowning, not liking what he'd have to show the others.

By the end of the letter, his frowned had deepened into a near scowl. _She said that my resources would find her. _Getting up, he refolded the letter. Walking back into the hall, he slid her shoji shut, and leaned against it. _Kaoru..._ he sighed.

---

She stepped off the platform, exhausted, when a huge 5 foot nothing rushed and knocked her over. "Oomph!" She cried, surprised at the sudden added weight.

"Kaoru! What happened? Is it true? That evil doctor and Kenshin are gonna get hitched?! Grr! Why that little.. I ought to kick his ass all the way to kingdom come and back again! Stupid…" She ranted, not letting go of Kaoru, and causing attention to be drawn to them.

"Mi-Misao! Let go! People are watching! And I promise to tell you everything once I gather my stuff, and we're at the Aoiya, agreed?" Kaoru compromised, removing herself from Misao's grip.

"Alright… But once I see him again, Himura is gonna get it big time!" She vowed, helping Kaoru carry her stuff.

Kaoru sighed, "It's so much more than you realize… So much more…"

Deep regret laced Kaoru's voice, and Misao didn't miss it. She knew Kenshin had been planning on proposing to Kaoru, Aoshi-sama told her! But where did it go wrong?

Thinking it would be best to entertain those thoughts after Kaoru filled her in, they dragged the stuff to the carriage awaiting their arrival, to take them to the Aoiya.

---

"She did **_what_**?!" Sano yelled, his voice awakening the slumbering bodies of Kenshin and Megumi.

"I knew it, I knew it, we should've told her it was a hoax or something.. Now she's gone and done thing! Stupid, stupid, stupid girl!" He screamed, obviously frustrated with the way Kenshin had proposed to Megumi. It's was true of course, but maybe Kaoru wouldn't have left! And then they would've had enough sense to have died her down by the wedding day!

"Who did what Sano…" Kenshin mumbled, his head aching with the beginnings of a hangover.

"I hate you!" Sano yelled once again, pointing at both Megumi and Kenshin. His Jou-chan, his practical sister, his mother, his female influence LEFT! All because Kenshin couldn't find the guts to tell her how he felt, and did the next best thing! Which was the worst thing! He went to the woman who "loved" him openly! Idiot, idiot, idiot!

Yahiko, once again the adult, was able to snatch the letter away before Sano crushed it in his rage. He shook his head knowing that if Sano had found it first, he would be doing the exact thing. Instead of telling him to calm down, he turned and glared at Kenshin.

"Read it. Memorize it. Realize that you and that _whore_," He hissed at Megumi, "Broke our family apart. Get out of here when you can Kenshin, you aren't needed here. After all, you're marrying _Kitsune_ here, aren't you? Live with her." He spat, then calmed Sanosuke down, telling him they'd need to keep the house clean for when Kaoru was to return. _If she was to return,_ he added silently to himself.

Kenshin blinked in confusion, wondering what everyone was having fit about. Looking at the letter in his hands, he realized that he better read it to understand what was going on.

Whilst Kenshin read, Megumi became furious. "Now wait just a minute, you were partying just as hard as we were last night! You can't possibly place all the blame on us, could you?!" She threw at Sano, who stared at her with a deep hatred in his eyes, which contrasted greatly to his usual look of longing.

"You don't get it do you? Alcohol, that's my life. I use it to rid of the pain I have. You couldn't possibly understand what I went through last night. Sure, it seemed as if I was happy, but you don't listen to rumors do you? And now that you've gone and chased Jou-chan away, let's just say that you aren't my favorite person anymore." He turned away in disgust, and continued cleaning with Yahiko, who listened intently to the conversation.

"No…" Kenshin dropped the Kenshin to the floor, his bangs covering his eyes, as he whispered the word again. "No…"

"Ken-san? Ken-san what's wrong? Is it that Tanuki again? Should I go and talk to her? What's wrong?" Wordlessly, he pointed to the forgotten letter on the floor. Then, he buried his head in his hands and began chanting, "No." His hangover forgotten.

Upset with all the drama going around, Megumi bent and picked the letter from the floor. Scanning it, her eyes grew wider, tears forming themselves inside them. As she reached the end, she let the tears fall, not caring who saw, and what they thought. Then, she too let the letter flutter to the ground, as she began to cry over what she'd done. How she'd let her feelings get in the way of her friendship, albeit a weird one, with Kaoru.

---

Somewhere in Kyoto, at the Aoiya, Kaoru sneezed four times in succession. _I'm guessing they all read the letter, and aren't pleased at all…_

---

Dear Reader,

I'm assuming that you are wondering where I am, and are growing worried as you begin to read this. First and foremost, I will tell you now, do not look for me. That is the only warning I will give you.

Why? Why indeed… Why do I not want to be found? Why did I leave? Why am I doing this? Why didn't I tell you? Why. Interesting questions, I shall answer them.

First, why did I leave? That should be obvious. If you said what I felt was so apparent, then why I left should be the same.

Why don't I want to be found? Because I cannot face what is to come. I admit, it is cowardly of me, but it is my decision.

Why am I doing this? I need to. I need to find some peace to deal with what is to come. I may return, I may not. I refuse to disclose that information to you.

Why didn't I tell you? This too is obvious. Because you would have stopped me.

Should I decide to send you a letter… which isn't smart if I do say so myself, will not contain any information as to where I am. However, if you do find where I've stationed myself I will leave.

I won't have you finding me, I hope you've realized that now.

I'm sorry to not have been able to attend your wedding, Kenshin and Megumi-san. Personal reasons, you know.

Sanosuke, I'm sorry you'll have to deal with these things alone, talk to Yahiko. I'm sure he'll give you some information.

Yahiko… I've said all I could say to you already. Tell Sano only the barest of things, please.

I'm sorry, should I not return. Death may be the reason, or my reluctance to return. But remember, I've always loved you all. Never doubt that.

This letter is long enough minna, so good luck, and best wishes.

Kaoru

- - - - -

AN: So, how was it? I'm a bit rusty, I know, but please, comments are appreciated. However, flames are not. Thank you. Please excuse any grammatical errors, this hasn't been beta read yet.


	2. An Action Noticed

AN: Next chapter, Yes already. I doubt it will become a habit though. **Standard disclaimers apply**, that of which you already know.

- - - - -

"We've got to get her back. There's no knowing what kind of danger she'll face! What if she's hurt? What if someone kidnapped her? Kami-sama knows I can't live with myself should that be the case." Kenshin ranted, reasoning with the Gumi why they should find Kaoru.

"Why does he care now? It was his fault anyway…" Yahiko mumbled, sweeping the last traces of the party away. Concentrating on the back and forth motion of the broom, he allowed his mind to wander. It had only been a few hours since the letter was found, and it seemed time would go no quicker. Seven days would not come as soon as he hoped. He sighed, why would she do something like this?

Of course he knew _why_… and she had practically told them in the letter too. But why? She knew I suppose that we'd be able to take care of ourselves, the Akabeko always offering food. _To me anyway…_ he thought, sliding his glance over to Sano.

It was this time last week he was thinking about the _couples_ of Edo. He was certain Sano and the foxy doctor would get together, after all, it was well known that Megumi only teased Kaoru and never really meant the things she said to Kenshin. _But where did marriage suddenly come up? _His thoughts continued, as he stopped his sweeping to openly stare at Kenshin, whom had taken to pacing back and forth just like his broom.

__

It was perfect, Yahiko thought, _Kaoru would be my okaa-san.. She and I agreed on it. And I would have loved to have Kenshin as an otou-san. And Sano…ha… I'd never admit it, but Sano-nii-chan is an amusing name for him. But where did it go wrong?_

He stopped staring at Kenshin, to look down at the floor and frown. _Where? _Realizing that no one had answered Kenshin, he put away the broom, and took a moment to survey what was left of the "family".

Sano was outside, leaning against the house, his "Aku" jacket within hand's reach. Kenshin, was still pacing. Megumi just kept staring blankly at the wall. This was pathetic.

"Alright! You people have got some explaining to do. _You_," he pointed at Kenshin, "Should be happy since you're getting married. Why are you still in here again? And you," He switched over to Megumi, "Should be ecstatic because you're marrying your dear Ken-san!" Sarcasm laced his voice. Finally, "You! You know Kaoru wouldn't want you sulking about her absence. She'd probably wonder why you weren't out gambling and such."

He rest his hands onto his hips, looking everything like Kaoru did when she took charge. "What the hell is going on?!"

Kenshin was the first to speak, "We need to find Kaoru-dono." He said bluntly, hoping that was enough for Yahiko. Sano snorted from where he sat, apparently he understood that it would be his hide on the line if he disobeyed what Kaoru said. Megumi just nodded once, and continued to stare at the wall.

"You know what? How much do you _really_ know about Kaoru?" He announced to the quiet room, and everything stilled.

"I know plenty," Kenshin replied.

"Enough." Sano said.

"…" Megumi decided not to answer.

"You know what? You all were oblivious to her feelings. Even myself. She left last night right after you announced it, and did anyone bother to get her? No. We celebrated so long, we didn't even see her leave! But you guys don't fully understand why she left do you?" Yahiko questioned, his voice louder and more calm than anyone should be at the moment.

When no one answered, just as he expected, he sighed and plopped down, causing Kenshin to do the same, and for Megumi and Sanosuke to pay more attention.

"You used to make fun of her, of how much she loved Kenshin. Of how much she let Sano free load, how much she wasn't a woman. Who has seen her cry when she was put down?" No one commented. "I have. She had dreamed of Kenshin proposing to her, not to mention the Tanabata fiasco not too long ago. But what do you know? He goes to Megumi. Why? So, she left. Maybe to find that answer herself, when all of you, _every single one of you_, encouraged her relationship with him, only to be the ones to bring her down."

It wasn't as nicely planned as the speech in his head, but by the continuing silence, he was pretty sure they were processing that information.

"I didn't know that…"

"She should have told me…"

"But would you have listened?" Sano spoke up, staring at the "couple". "You," he jerked his chin in Megumi's direction, "Have done nothing but brought her down in front of her peers. I've no doubt you two were close to an extent, but betrayal like that? And Kenshin, for you to announce something like that in her own home? After she took you in? And fell in love with you?" Sano shook his head in disgust, not knowing what had gotten into all of them.

"It's all wrong. Megumi doesn't belong with Kenshin, because we all know she doesn't love him. Attraction maybe, but no love. Kenshin, I have no clue. I'd think he wouldn't propose. I'd even go so far to say he didn't have the balls," Kenshin coughed loudly here, "To do so. So, why don't you tell us what you two were planning?" Sano asked, knowing that somehow, somewhere there was a set up in that engagement.

---

"Home sweet home! Ah, can you smell that Kaoru? Omasu is cooking something for your arrival, and I bet you it's ten times better than it smells! Of course nothing Omasu and Okan cooks smells bad… You know what I mean!" Misao grinned and turned to Kaoru who was awe struck at how much the girl can talk. "Sorry about that Kao-chan, I'm just glad you decided to take me up on my offer!"

Kaoru returned the grin. "I'm glad you offered, if you hadn't I may have become a Rurouni myself!" The girls shared a laugh. "Ah, but Misao?"

"Yup?"

"Where do I put my things?" Misao smacked her forehead, completely forgetting.

"Gomen! I forgot! Come, come. Follow me!" Kaoru didn't need to be told as Misao dragged her, along with her luggage, upstairs and into one of the empty rooms. "Okay, I will be right next door," She motioned to her left, "And since you're the closest to the stairs, you get to worry about intruders!" Kaoru made a face. "Joking only! Okay, I'll leave you to get settled in. Holler if you need anything." Misao bounded down the stairs, and Kaoru stared at the whirlwind of energy.

"I'm sure staying here will be interesting." Turning around, she pulled her stuff inside, and began to unpack.

The room itself was simple, a desk off to the side, a painting of a flower on the right side wall, and a futon settled in the middle of the room. It was more spacious than her room back at the dojo, but it was welcomed.

__

First, Kaoru thought once she was done, _Is to eat! Man, am I starved!_

But she knew, deep in her heart it was an excuse to not think of the reason she left, and what they were thinking now that she'd done it. Grabbing her bokken, she exited her room.

On her way downstairs, Kaoru began to hum. It wasn't the most pleasant of songs, and truth be told it was downright depressing. But Kaoru had learned, she could express herself with her sword, or with her voice.

She won't lie, she thought her singing voice was atrocious! But, if by herself, who was to deny her the comfort of singing?

__

Tatoeba dokomade modorebaii? Oshiete

Subete wa Itami wo tomonauhodo azayaka

Hontou wa Wakeaerumono nantenaikara furikaeranakatta

Hontou wa Wakeaerumono nantenaikara furikaeranakatta

fall into a light sleep Watashi ni michiru

I don't carry out yakusoku wa yagate

Itsukano Kagayaki suteta

Kaerenai asa no hikari noyou

Tsumetai kokoro no soba ni iruyo Kogoete

Tsuzuki wa kobamenaikurai hora asahaka

Kitsukazu ni kaketa kanjou hiroi atsumete Yurushi wo motometara

fall into a light sleep Hitori no yoru ni

I'm beginning to learn kanashimi no shikumi

Anata no Nukumori kakushi

Afuredeta sonoyami ni obieru

fall into a light sleep Watashi ni michiru

I don't carry out yakusoku wa yagate

Itsukano Kagayaki suteta

Kaerenai asa no hikari noyou

She sighed, rounding the corner and finishing her song. _Ehh… Matte, Kaoru. Slow down and think about it thoroughly. You left your home to train, to become stronger. And to learn to cope with what you will if you decide to go back. Sighing like this won't help! What happened, happened. And when the going gets tough, you come up behind it and smack it with a bokken! So stop playing the "rejected little girl" part, and learn that there are better things in life. _Kaoru nodded to herself, _I will make it!_

She jumped and cheered, causing all commotion in the kitchen to come to a stop. "Eh heh heh… Gomen nasai." Kaoru bowed, and with a few strange looks, everyone went back to their previous task.

"Ah… Omasu-san?" Kaoru asked, hoping not to disturb the woman.

"Hai Kaoru-san?" She turned and nodded, putting down the cleaver she was using.

"May I have a small snack? Before I go out to train?" Kaoru wondered, suddenly feeling shy, even if she knew the woman before her.

"Of course, would you like a vegetable? Gomen, I can't offer more, we're making dinner." She said, and motioned over to some random things.

"It's alright! Perfectly fine with me." Kaoru decided on a carrot and smiled her thanks.

Munching on the carrot with one hand, and twirling her bokken with the other, she began to drift back to her previous thoughts.

__

Who am I kidding? It won't be as easy as whacking Yahiko. There isn't even a guarantee that I'll make it through this. Who knows if I'll ever be able to smile at Kenshin, and see him only as a friend? I might not even grow to accept that. What if I can't look at him without wanting something more? They did say Distance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder. But… she chewed thoughtfully, _if Kami-sama brought me to this, I have to believe he'll bring me through it. Right?_

Finishing off her carrot, she tugged the sleeves of her gi higher on her arms. _I mustn't think of this now._ Holding the bokken steady, she marched into the dojo of the Aoiya, intending to get some practice done before it was time to eat.

---

"There is no other motive Sano. It was a mutual feeling between Megumi-dono and I. We both wanted someone to take care of us, and we felt that both of us could support each other." Kenshin explained, hoping to appease his friend's anger.

But Sano was not to be deterred. _That's the lamest bullshit he has ever said_. Sano stared hard at the rurouni, looking for an ounce of truth in what he just said. However, all he got was a blank smile.

"I don't believe you. Not a _bit_. You aren't stupid enough to ignore Jou-chan's obvious feelings. I doubt anybody in Edo did not know about it. Apparently, you seem to prove me wrong. You _and_ Megumi. Tell me, are you happy now? Did you expect Kaoru to take your decision in stride? That things would always be the same after what you did? It was pretty reckless, even for someone like me. Kenshin, I have called you an idiot time and time again, but only now do you actually prove it," Sano stopped talking, as if to think of something to add to that. "And you know what?"

Kenshin gave an incline of his head.

"If you are too stupid to realize what's in front of you, then I think I'm better off with Kaoru than Megumi." Yahiko smirked, knowing that because Sano said Kaoru's name, and also implied what he felt for Megumi, attentions would be caught, and questions asked.

He mentally counted, _3...2...1..._

"What do you mean?" Megumi snapped, wondering what the hell this "rooster head" was spewing.

Sano sighed. "I'm saying, because you obviously don't care for me or Kaoru, that you best get off of this property."

It seems as if this was the wrong answer because Megumi exploded. "What the _hell_ are you talking about?! Better off with Kaoru? Is that all she is to you? A second choice?!" Megumi yelled, suddenly defensive of her.

"What is Kenshin to you? A second choice? What about you Kenshin? Is that all Megumi is to you? Do you realize the impact of what you have done? You've _proposed_ to her. A life of being together. It isn't like you courted her, or anything in relation to it. Hell, just the other week you wouldn't have given her a second glance! The severity of this situation hasn't hit you yet, has it?" Sano glared at the two, suddenly wanting them out of his presence more than anything.

__

It struck a nerve, Yahiko observed, watching Megumi deflate. _Then again, he is right. It was an impulsive decision Kenshin made, and he really is regretting it. But is it that easy to take away a marriage proposal? And in doing that, will it erase all of Kaoru's doubts and feelings about it? Should he decide to honestly take it all back…_

"It'd be for Kaoru's benefit if we let her stay where she has decided." Yahiko spoke, for the first time since Sano began the conversation.

"Yahiko… Don't you see? Kaoru-dono may be in danger. We have to find her. She may very well be kidnapped, and is being held hostage as we speak." Kenshin said quietly.

"Don't _you_ see Kenshin? Should she be in danger, it _is_ your fault. The first time, in fact, where you put her in danger. Though, I do doubt her being kidnapped. Don't you trust in her skills? She had lived alone for two years." Yahiko said back in retaliation.

"Plus," Sano added, "She may not want to see your sorry ass for awhile." He smirked, knowing that it was true.

Kenshin's face fell, and only then did it hit him…

"I proposed… to Megumi-dono." Everyone but Megumi nodded. "With Kaoru-dono there." Another nod. "And I meant it?" This time there was no answer.

---

"Wow… What a session! Thanks for taking the time to train with me Misao-chan!" Kaoru wiped the sweat from her brow as she glanced at the shorter woman.

"No problem! That was great! With more practice, I bet you could take on Aoshi-sama!" Misao grinned, her eyes sincere.

"Me? Aoshi? You've got to be kidding me. It'd be nice if he could help me train though! Not too soon… I'm not even _that_ developed! But of course, you'll always be my favorite training partner!" Kaoru winked, and they both laughed. _Though, that may not be true. Yahiko did always put up a good fight, however one-sided it was._ Kaoru frowned for a moment, before banishing those thoughts. _I shouldn't be thinking of this!_

As she made her way into her room to get changed for dinner, she knew deep down, that while she lay that night waiting for sleep to come, it never would. That tonight, the thoughts would plague her of _her_ decision.

- - - - -

AN: Why does it seem so crappy to me? Once again, this was not beta-read. I'm still waiting for chapter one. Bleh. Comments are welcomed, flames are not.


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